


That's Legal?!

by Anonymous



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Multi, another foursome implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:18:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Harry has anenlighteningconversation with his family.





	That's Legal?!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trashgoblinwizardparty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashgoblinwizardparty/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [trashgoblinwizardparty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashgoblinwizardparty/pseuds/trashgoblinwizardparty) in the [October_Flash_Fest_Part_Two](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/October_Flash_Fest_Part_Two) collection. 

> **Prompt:**
> 
> [transcribed and modified from a tumblr post]
> 
> lily, pointing to james: "that's my boyfriend"  
lily, pointing to sirius: "that's my boyfriend's boyfriend"  
lily, pointing to remus: "that's my boyfriend's boyfriend's boyfriend...and also my boyfriend"

When Harry is six, he thinks he just has a very big family. Like Ginny often goes out with Ron, and then with Percy, and then Percy will go out with Ron, and how Fred and George are always together.

Family sticks together, like glue and sticky rice. Mum is always with Dad and Moony, Dad is always with Paddy and Paddy is with Moony too.

When Harry is eight and afraid of getting cooties is he plays with Gin-gin and Luna, Mum and Paddy laugh while Dad and Remus wince. That day, Dad and Moony tell him that cooties go away when girls grow up, like his old teeth fell away and new came in. Harry nods dubiously, still not convinced. Paddy agrees with him. If cooties go away like old teeth, does that mean new cooties come in like new teeth?

When Harry is eleven, he gets suspicious of all sneaking around that goes around the house that everyone ignores. His father is an Auror, and noticing such things is something he has learnt since dad started taking him to work.

He asks his dad about it: "Why is everyone sneaking around like sneaky snakes? You said you were Gryffindors?" Green eyes narrow with suspicion and his dad chokes on laughter.

"We sneak around so we can show the snakes we're better at being sneaky than them and they should all just become lions instead," dad explains and Harry shakes his head.

"I am eleven and old enough to go to Hogwarts. You can't fool me!" He shakes his finger threateningly just like mum does every time she catches dad playing a prank again. Dad just laughs.

"Old enough to go to Hogwarts, but not old enough to start shaving," Dad ruffles his hair and gives him a fond smile. "Ask me again after graduation."

When Harry is thirteen, he notices more than the sneaking around. He notices the hugs that linger a bit too longer, the kisses that are more than fond, clothes that end up being worn by someone completely different than the one who bought it.

It takes him a lot more clues, walking in on scenes he shouldn't, opening doors that should have been locked but weren't and an year full of gathering courage before confronting his family.

So, when Harry is fifteen and his family is sitting around the Christmas tree, opening presents and being more touchy-feely with people not their husbands and/or wife's that Harry cant take it any more.

"Alright!" he shouts. "Will anyone tell me what's going on?!" The room is silent and everyone looks surprised and then embarrassed.

"Harry, it's Christmas," Remus says, his face too red to make Harry believe in the no-doubt fake excuse the werewolf is thinking of. "Gift giving is going on."

Harry groans and hides his face in his hands. Around him, there are similar groans and hysterical laughter and Harry peeks from in-between his hands.

"This is not funny!" he shrieks. "Just tell me what's going on so I'm not so surprised every time I open a door that's unlocked!"

"Wait, I thought you said you didn't see anything!" Sirius sputters and Harry points to him.

"You! For Merlin's sake, start closing doors when you get a room! Eight out of ten times, when I see something I shouldn't have to, _you are the culprit!_" Harry says hysterically. "There's only so much of my godfather's naked butt I can take!"

"Bu-but! It's a sexy butt!" Sirius sputters and waves his hands around trying to deny it. Dad and Remus, on the other hand, grow rapidly pale.

"Padfoot..." Dad says darkly. "I thought you said you _always_ lock the door." A wand alights on his face as James narrows his eyes.

"I do! I did! But you're so distracting, Prongs, you can't fault me!" Sirius pleads and Mum points her wand at the grim animagus as well.

"When you get a room, _you lock it_. And now you have traumatized my baby-!"

"That's not the point!" Harry raises his hands in exasperation. It succeeds in calming everyone down as wands are puts away and the people involved take a seat again. Everyone exchanges a nervous look, as if pleading the other to spill whatever it is.

_Which Harry does think he knows what it is._

"Okay, fine," Mum sighs. "If none of these scarredy cats will speak, then I will. Listen up, Harry!"

"Yes!" Harry straightens in his seat.

One manicured finger points at dad, "That's my husband."

Harry nods, because of course he knows his dad.

Then, she points to Padfoot, "That's my husband's husband."

Harry nods because -

"Wait, _what_?!" he gaps. He'd thought it was like a swinger's thing. Mum and Dad being one couple, swapping partners with Padfoot and Moony occasionally. But Sirius and Dad were _actually legal_!!!

And then, she points to Remus and delivers the final blow to Harry's sanity, "That's my husband's husband's husband... and also my husband."

"Wait, they're all your harem?!" Harry blurts out. Mum looks smug and Sirius groans, handing over 5 Galleons to dad.

"There's no harem," Remus explains, still red faced. "It's just... multiple husbands and wife's are allowed for Wizards and Witches. There are already so few of us..." he trails off.

"How come I've never heard of this before?" Harry narrows his eyes and Sirius barks out a laugh.

"He got you there, Moony," Sirius shakes his head and looks straight at Harry.

"There is no law like that," he says bluntly. "But there is no law against it as well. What you do, is marry one person in Britain and another in France and then another in Australia."

"How does that work-?" Harry asks, amazed. The web of connection and their apparently legal multi-way marriage of all parties involved boggles his mind.

"Because of population issues, there's nothing that stops a witch or wizard from marrying more than one person. _However_, there is a law that says only one marriage certificate per person can be registered to placate the new muggleborns that come in our world. What we do, is exactly as it says." Sirius grins, the same look of mischief in his eyes as when he has planned a prank. "You can marry multiple people, but have only one registered. Hence, you register the others in different countries. It's rare, since most witches and wizards tend to be possessive bastards, some more than others. _But_, it is perfectly legal and simple."

The words spin around in Harry's mind, and open the door to a whole new world.

"Wait...." he says slowly as an idea begins to form in his mind. "Whoa, whoa, wait!" He stands up and raises his hands. "This is genius!"

"What?"

"Is it?"

"I told you so."

"Something doesn't sound right-"

"Thanks, mum," he kisses her cheek and leans over to kiss his dad's as well. "Thanks, dad." Sporting a grin much like Sirius's mischievous one, Harry laughs delightedly.

"I have some letters to write. Just wait a minute, alright?" he walks out of the room without a glance behind, and James's sense of doom intensifies.

"Wait! Harry, whom are you writing to?" he asks suspiciously. His bad feelings are proven right when Harry shouts back,

"Tom, Cedric and Ginny!" 


End file.
